The theory of punctuated equilibrium argues that although species generally adapt gradually to incremental environmental changes, every now and then, a cataclysm overturns (punctuates) the status quo (equilibrium), calling for some quick improv from any DNA that wants to keep moving on down the line. The most famous example is the asteroid that collided with Earth 65 million years ago, dooming the dinosaurs. I bring this up because the arrival of children is a meteor to the middle of your sex life, and unless you evolve pronto, your access to Mom will soon be brontosaurus-gone. But this crisis, too, comes with opportunity. If you’re attuned to mom-psychology, you may find some surprisingly intense thrills amid the Legos and juice spills.
Moms are very tired. If they’re working mothers, add two more variables. But mom-fatigue is a less serious threat to your sex life than your reaction to it. If she thinks you don’t get it, or worse, that you’re actually disapproving of her exhaustion, resentment mixes with her depletion and she’ll suddenly forget all those Samoan sex tricks that made her so much fun back in college. But if she feels that you understand, she’s much more likely to summon the strength to toss you five minutes of that sequence that made the honeymoon so memorable. So either actually empathizes or, for God’s sake, pretend to.